Anyone who has gone through the harrowing experience of a divorce understands that it is a complex issue which can take a long time to deal with. Every aspect of the divorce process has a way of chipping away at the resilience of the individual and breaking down the strongest of barriers. In particular, the emotional roller coaster can be extremely draining and may even be detrimental to the health and wholeness of a person if not properly dealt with.
The divorce process has been likened to the grieving process where the response of the parties involved simulates what one goes through at the death of a loved one, or a traumatic experience. According to Elisabeth Klubber-Ross, the following are the stages of grief one goes through in the event of traumatic events such as divorce or death;
• Denial – The individual denies what is actually taking place; he thinks it is a misunderstanding and that there is a way to work around it.
• Resentment and anger – The individual battles anger and resents their partner. Most times they will be wondering what they did to deserve the bitter blow of divorce.
• Bargaining – The individual negotiates with the partner in a frantic effort to salvage what is left of the marriage; this for instance may come with promises to change behavior in future to keep the marriage intact.
• Depression – The individual comes to terms with the full reality of what is really happening and realizes they cannot do much to prevent the inevitable; this negatively affects how the person behaves and responds to issues.
• Acceptance – The individual realizes that the dreaded divorce has taken place and that they need to accept it and move on in life, even if it what not what they had wanted initially.
Every person going through divorce has their own unique way of dealing with the emotions associated with it; it is easier for some and harder for others. However, it is possible for individuals going through the divorce to handle it in a way that will not further aggravate the already troublesome matter.
Some of the ways of dealing with the emotions experienced during divorce include:
• Surrounding yourself with family members who understand you and who are likely to empathize with you in your situation. Open up to them and share your sentiments about the divorce; express your fears and any other doubts or negative feelings you may be experiencing. Family will provide a vital pillar for support during the whole process.
• Seeking professional help from an attorney, a counselor or both. Let the professionals guide you through the process to be followed in every step of the way. This will help you to deal with the divorce in a much better way than if you were handling it without any help at all.
• Avoid retaliating, for instance in an argument. Try and resist any urge to react depending on how you are feeling as this will only aggravate the issue at hand more. Take time out to cool off and do something different that will relax your mind and allow you to be in better shape to handle any arising issue in a level-headed way.